-evening, mr. godby.-wotcher. -hello, hello, hello.-quite a stranger, aren't you? -l couldn't get in yesterday.-l wondered what had happened to you. -l had a bit of a dust up.-what about? a chap got outof first class...
Afternoon Tea Party Wedding Reception, with a third class ticket. he wouldn't pay excess; turnednasty. l had to send for mr saunders. -fat lot of good he'd be.-he ticked him off. -seeing's believing.-he ticked him off proper.
''pay the balance at once'' he says''or l'll get the police.'' you should've seen his face atthe word ''police''. changed his tune.paid up like lightening. exactly, he couldn'thandle it himself. he had to call the police. he's not a bad lot, saunders. after all, he's only got one lungand a wife with diabetes. l thought something was wrongwhen you didn't come. l'd have come to explain, butl had a date and had to run.
lndeed! -a chap l know is getting married.-very interesting, l'm sure. -what's up with you?-l dont know what you mean. -you're a bit unfriendly.-beryl, hurry up. -put some more coal in the stove.-yes, mrs. bagot. l can't stand here wasting my timein idle gossip, mr. godby. what about another cup? you can have another cupwhen you finish that one. beryl will give it to you.l've got my accounts to do.
-l'd rather you gave it to me.-time and tide wait for no man. -laura! what a lovely surprise.-oh. dolly! l've been shopping till l'm dropping.my throat's parched. l'd have had tea in spindle's butdidn't want to miss the train. -dear!-this is doctor harvey. how do you do. get me my cup of tea would you?l can't drag my bones to the counter. no please... what a nice looking man. who is he?you're a dark horse.
l'll phone fred in the morningand make mischief. this is a bit of luck.l haven't seen you for ages. l meant to pop inbut tony had measles... then l'd that fuss over phyllis.you don't know. -she left me.-dreadful. l never really liked her,but tony adored her. l'll tell you later in the train.thank you. there's certainly enough milk in it,but it'll be refreshing. -oh dear. no sugar.-lt's in the spoon.
of course.what a fool l am. laura you're looking well.lf l knew you were coming... we could've had lunch and a gossip.l loathe shopping by myself. -there's your train.-yes, l know. -aren't you coming with us?-no, l go in the opposite direction. -my practice is in churley.-l see. l'm a general practitioner. dr. harvey's going to africanext week. how thrilling.
...the 5.40 for churley,leigh green and langdon. -l must go.-yes, you must. -goodbye.-goodbye. he'll have to run or he'll miss it.lt's on the other platform. talking of missing trains reminds meof the bridge at broadham junction. you've got to traipse up one side,and down the other. the other day l'd been to seebob's solicitor... l got to the station with onlyhalf a minute to spare. l flew. l was with tony and l'd boughta new lampshade...
l could've got ithere in milford. lt was enormous. l couldn't see over it.l nearly knocked a woman down. when l got homeit was battered to bits. ls that our train?ls that the ketchworth train? -no, it's the express.-the boat train. that doesn't stop, does it? -l want some chocolate, please.-milk or plain? plain, l think.
no, milk would be nicer.anything with nuts in it? nestle's nut milk. one plain and one nut milk. -large or small?-large please. where is she? l never noticed her go. l couldn't think where you'ddisappeared to. l wanted to see the expressgo through. what's the matter?are you feeling ill?
-l feel a little sick.-come and sit down. there's our train. -have you any brandy?-lt's out of hours. -surely if somebody's ill.-l'm all right. brandy will buck you up.please. very well. -how much?-tenpence please. the train for ketchworthis now arriving at platform 3. we have to hurry.
this is a bit of luck. this trainis generally packed. l'm really worried about you.you look terribly peaky. l'm all right.l just felt faint. lt happens. l did it once at bobbie'sconcert. he's never forgiven me. he certainly was good looking. -who?-your friend. dr. whats-his-name. -yes, he's a nice creature.-have you known him long? no, not very long.
-l hardly know him at all.-my dear! l've always loved doctors. l can well understand how it is thatwomen get neurotic... l wish l could trust you. l wish you werea wise kind friend... instead of a gossip l've known foryears and never really cared for. l wish... l wish... fancy him going to africa.ls he married? -yes.-any children?
yes, 2 boys. he'svery proud of them. ls he taking them with him?wife and children? yes, he is. l suppose it's sensible... starting life anewin the wide open space but... wild horses wouldn't drag me awayfrom england and home... and all the things l'm used to. one has one's roots hasn't one? yes, one has one's roots.
l knew a girlwho went to africa. her husbandworked in engineering... she had the most dreadful time. she got some awful kind of germand was ill for months... l wish you'd stop talking. l wish you'd stop prying and tryingto find things out. l wish you were dead. no, not that.that was silly and unkind. -but l wish you'd stop talking.-all her hair came out... and she said the social lifewas quite horrid...
provincial andvery nouveau riche. -oh dolly.-are you feeling ill again? a bit dizzy. -l'll close my eyes for a bit.-poor darling... here am l chatting away. l won't say another word. lf you drop off l'll wake you upat the level crossing. you can powder your nosebefore we get out. thanks, dolly.
this can't last. this misery can't last. l must remember thatand try to control myself. nothing lasts really... neither happiness nor despair. not even life lasts very long. there'll come a time when l shan'tmind about this anymore... when l can look back and saycheertully: ''how silly l was''. l don't want that timeto come ever.
l want to rememberevery minute... always... always, to the end of my days. -ketchworth!-wake up. laura. we're here. ketchworth! l could take you home.lt isn't out of my way. l'll go down elmore laneand l'll be home in two minutes. lt's sweet of you butl'm perfectly all right now. -you're quite sure?-positive. thank you.
nonsense. l'll phone youto see if you've had a relapse. l shall disappoint you.good night. goodnight. give my loveto fred and the children. ls that you laura? -yes, dear.-thank goodness you're back. -the place has been in an uproar.-what's the matter? bobbie and margaret,fighting again. they won't go to sleepuntil you talk to them. mummy?ls that you mummy?
-yes, margaret.-come upstairs at once, mummy. l want to talk to you. you're both very naughty.you should be asleep. -now what is it?-well mummy... tomorrow's my birthday andl want to go to the circus. tomorrow's not margaret's birthdayand she wants to go to the pantomime. my birthday's in june. there aren'tany pantomimes in june. lt's too late to discuss it.now go to sleep at once... or you won't go to either.
oh mummy! why not take them to both? one inthe afternoon and one in the evening? that's impossible. we'd get to bedlate, tired and fractious. one on one day,the other on the other. you accuse meof spoiling the children. their characters would be ruinedif it was up to you. all right, have ityour own way. -circus or pantomime?-neither. we'll thrash them, lock themin the attic and go the pictures.
oh fred. -what on earth's the matter?-nothing. lt's nothing. darling, what's wrong?tell me, please. really, it's nothing... l'm run down that's all. l nearly fainted atthe refreshment room at milford. lsn't it idiotic? dolly messiter waswith me and she talked... until l wanted to strangle her.but she meant to be kind.
lsn't it awful about peoplemeaning to be kind. -would you like to go to bed?-no fred, really. come and sitby the fire and relax. you can help mewith the crossword. you have the most peculiarideas of relaxation. -there you are, darling.-thank you. but why a fainting spell?l can't understand it. don't be silly. l've often hadfainting spells. you rememberbobbie's school concert...
and eileen's wedding... and when you took me to thesymphony concert at the town hall? that was a nose bleed. l suppose l must be that type ofwoman. lt's very humiliating. there'd be no harm inyou seeing dr. graves. lt would be a waste of time. -now listen...-shut up. don't make a fuss. l'd been shopping and was tiredand it was hot and l felt sick. nothing more than that.
-all right.-really nothing. get on with your puzzleand leave me in peace. have it your own way. you're a poetry addict.see if you can help me out. lt's keats. ''l behold uponthe night starred face... huge cloudy symbols of a high...''7 letters. ''romance'', l think.l'm almost sure. ''huge cloudy symbolsof a high romance''. lt'll be in the oxford.
no, it's right. lt fits in. -would music put you off?-no, dear, l'd like it. fred... dear fred. there's so much l want to say. you're the only one with the wisdomand gentleness to understand... if only it were somebodyelse's story and not mine. you are the only one in the worldthat l can never tell. never, never.
because even if l waited until wewere old and told you then... you'd look back over the yearsand be hurt. l don't want you to be hurt. you see... we're a happilymarried couple... and must never forget that. this is my home. you are my husband... and my childrenare upstairs in bed.
l am a happilymarried woman... or l was untila few weeks ago. this is my whole world... and it's enough... or it was until a few weeks ago. l've been so foolish. l've fallen in love. l'm an ordinary woman. l didn't think such violent thingshappened to ordinary people.
lt all startedon an ordinary day... in an ordinary place... the refreshment roomat milford junction. l was having a cup of tea and readinga book that l'd got from boots. my train wasn't duefor ten minutes. l looked up and saw a mancome in from the platform. ln an ordinary mac, and hat.l didn't even see his face. he got his tea and turned... and then l did see his face.a nice face.
-any sugar?-ln the spoon. he passed by my tableon the way to his. the womanwas going on as usual. l told you about herthe other day... the one with the refined voice. -minnie hasn't touched her milk.-did you put it down for her? yes, but she never came for it. -fond of animals?-ln their place. my landlady's mad for animals.
she's got two cats,one manx, one ordinary... three rabbits in the kitchen.they belong to her little boy. and one of those daft lookingdogs with hair over its eyes. -l don't know what breed you mean.-l don't think it knows itself. go and clean number 3, beryl. l cansee the crumbs on it from here. and my other cup? l have to go.the 5:40 will be here in a minute. -who's on the gate?-young william. a glass of water please.l've something in my eye. -would you like me to have a look?-don't trouble. the water will do.
bit of coal dust, l expect. a man l knew lost an eyeby getting a bit of grit in it. -nasty, very nasty.-better? -l'm afraid not. oh!-can l help you? no. just somethingin my eye. pull your eyelid down.. -and then blow your nose.-please let me look. -l happen to be a doctor.-lt's very kind of you. turn round to the light please.
now look up... now look down... keep still. l see it. -there!-what a relief. lt was agonising. -lt looks like a bit of grit.-lt was when the express went through. -thank you very much indeed.-there we go. l must run. -lucky for me you were here.-anybody could have done it. -never mind, you did, l'm grateful.-that's my train. l must go. goodbye. goodbye.
that's how it all began. just through me gettinga bit of grit in my eye. l completely forgot about it.lt didn't mean anything to me at all. at least l didn't think it did. the next thursdayl went into milford as usual. l changed my book at boots. miss lewis had at last managed toget the new kate o'brien for me. she kept it hiddenunder the counter for two days. on the way out l bought twonew toothbrushes for the children.
l like the smell of a chemist's. lt's such a nice mixtureof nice things... herbs and scent and soap. mrs. leptwich was there, in one ofthe silliest hats l've ever seen. fortunately she didn't look up. l got out without herbuttonholing me. just as l steppedonto the pavement... -good morning.-oh, good morning. -how's the eye?-perfectly all right.
-how kind it was of you.-lt was nothing at all. -lt's clearing up l think.-yes, it's going to be nice. -well l must get to the hospital.-and l must get to the grocer's. -what exciting lives we lead.-goodbye. that evening l had to runto the station. l'd been to the palladium.lt was a long film and l was late. as l came to the platform, thechurley train was just puffing out. l looked upas the carriages went by... wondering if he was there.
l remember it crossed my mind,but it was quite unimportant. l was thinking of other things. the present for your birthdaywas worrying me rather. lt was terribly expensivebut l knew you wanted it. and l'd sort of half takenthe plunge... and left a deposit on it at spink& robson's until next thursday. the next thursday... l squared my conscience by thinkinghow pleased you'd be and bought it. -yes, l'll have it.-thank you, madam.
lt was extravagant butl'd committed the crime... and l felt reckless and gay. the sun was out. everyone lookedmore cheertul than usual. there was a barrel organ at thecorner and l love barrel organs. lt was playing ''let the great bigworld keep turning''. l gave the man sixpence... and went to kardomahfor lunch. lt was very full but two people gotup from a table just as l came in.
a bit of luck wasn't it?or was it? just after l had given my order,l saw him come in. he looked tired, and there wasnowhere for him to sit. so l smiled and said:good morning. good morning.are you all alone? yes, l am. could l share your table? lt's veryfull and there's nowhere else. of course not. l'm afraid we haven't beenintroduced properly.
-my name's alec harvey.-how do you do. -mine's laura jesson.-mrs. or miss? mrs. you're a doctor, aren't you?you said so in the refreshment room. yes. not an interesting one, a g.p.my practice is in churley. -yes, sir?-what did you plump for? the soup and fried sole. -yes, l'll have the same.-anything to drink? no, thank you.would you like anything to drink? -no, just plain water, please.-plain water, please.
do look at the cellist. lt really is dreadful, isn't it? butwe oughtn't laugh. they might see. there should be a societyfor the prevention... of cruelty to musical instruments.you don't play the piano, l hope. -l was forced to as a child.-you haven't kept it up. -no, my husband isn't musical at all.-good for him. for all you know, l might have atremendous professional talent. -oh dear, no.-why are you so sure? you're too saneand uncomplicated.
l suppose it's a good thing,but it does sound a little dull. you could never be dull. -do you come here every thursday?-yes, l spend the day at the hospital. stephen lynn, the chief physiciangraduated with me. l take over for him once a week.he goes up to london... -and l study the hospital patients.-l see. do you? -do l what?-come here every thursday? yes. l do the week's shopping.
change my library book, have lunchand generally go to the pictures. not a very exciting routinebut it makes a change. are you going to the picturesthis afternoon? yes. how extraordinary.so am l. l thought you had to spend all dayat the hospital. between us, l killed 2 patientsthis morning... and matron's displeased.l simply daren't go back. how can you be so silly?
l got through mostof my work this morning. would you mind if l cameto the pictures with you? -well, l...-l'll sit downstairs and you upstairs. upstairs is too expensive. the orchestra stopped as abruptlyas it had started... and we laughed again.l had no premonitions... although l suppose l should've had.lt all seemed so natural and innocent. we finished lunch and the idiot of awaitress had put the bill all on one. -l really must insist.-l couldn't possibly.
having forced my company on you,it's only fair that l pay for it. please don't insist. l would muchrather we halved it. please. -l shall give in gracefully.-we halved it meticulously. we even halved the tip. thank you. we have two choices. ''the loves of cardinal richelieu''at the palace, or... -''love in a mist'' at the palladium.-you're very knowledgeable. there must be no argument about thetickets. we each pay for ourselves.
you must think me a poor doctor ifl can't afford a couple of tickets! -l insist.-l hoped you were going to treat me! -which is it to be: palace or palladium?-palladium. l was once very sick on a steamercalled ''cardinal richelieu''. l feel awfully grand perched up here.lt was very extravagant of you. -lt was a famous victory.-do you feel guilty at all? l do. guilty? you ought to more than me. youneglected your work this afternoon. l worked this morning. a littlerelaxation never harmed anyone.
why should we feel guilty? -l don't know.-how awfully nice you are. lt can't be. lt is. we walkedto the station together. just as we reached the gate,he put his hand under my arm. l didn't notice it then butl remember it now. -what's she like, your wife?-madelaine? small, dark,rather delicate.
how funny. l thoughtshe would've been fair. and your husband,what's he like? medium height,brown hair... kindly, unemotionaland not delicate at all. -you said that proudly.-did l? -good evening.-evening. we've just got time for a cupof tea before our trains go. for the third time in a weekhe brought... a man and wife home withoutso much as a by your leave.
-two teas, please.-cake or pastry? -cake or pastry?-no thank you. -are those bath buns fresh?-certainly. made this morning. two please. that'll be sevenpence. -take the tea to the table, beryl.-l'll carry the buns. -you must eat one of these.-very fattening. l don't holdwith such foolishness. -they do look good, l must say.-one of my earliest passions in life.
-what happened then mrs bagot?-well... lt's all very fine... expecting me to do thisthat and the other. but you can't expect me to be a cookand housekeeper during the day... and a loving wife in the evening.just because you feel like it. there are as good fishin the sea... as ever came out of it.l packed my boxes and left him. didn't you never go back? never. l went to my sister'sat folkstone for a bit...
then l openeda tea shop in hathe. and what happened to him? -dad as a doornail in three years.-well, l never. ls tea bad for one?worse than coffee? lf this is a professional interviewmy fee is a guinee. -why did you become a doctor?-that's a long story... -perhaps because l'm an idealist.-all doctors should have ideals... -or their work would be unbearable.-don't encourage me to talk shop. why not?lt's what interests you.
yes, it is. l'm terribly ambitious really. not for myself,for my special pigeon. -what's your special pigeon?-preventative medicine. -l see.-l'm afraid you don't. -l was trying to be intelligent.-most good doctors... have private dreams.lt's the best part of them. but sometimes they get strangulated.am l boring you? no. l don't quite understandbut you're not boring me.
what l mean is this...all good doctors must primarily... be enthusiasts. they must like writers and painters,have a sense of vocation. a deep-rooted desireto do good. yes, l see that. obviously one way of preventingdisease is worth 50 ways of curing. that's where my ideal comes in. preventative medicine isn'tanything to do with medicine... but with living conditions,hygiene and common sense.
my speciality is pneumoconiosis. oh dear. don't be alarmed.lt's simpler than it sounds. lt's a slow processof fibrosis of the lung... due to inhalation of dust. here, there are splendidopportunities, because of the mines. -you suddenly look much younger.-do l? -almost like a little boy.-what made you say that? l don't know...
yes, l do. tell me. no, l couldn't really. you weresaying about the coal mines... yes, the inhalationof coal dust. that's one form of the diseases,called anthracosis. what are the others? chalicosis... from metal dust. steel works.
yes, of course, steel works. and silicosis. that's stone dust.gold mines. l see. -there's your train.-yes. -you mustn't miss it.-no. -what's the matter?-nothing. nothing at all really. lt's been nice. l enjoyed theafternoon enormously. so have l. sorry for boring youwith medical words.
l feel stupidnot to understand more. shall l see you again? you have to run. mine's not duefor a few minutes. -shall l see you again?-yes, of course. you could come to ketchworthone sunday. we should be delighted. -please... please.-what is it? next thursday,the same time. -no, l couldn't possibly.-please.
l ask you most humbly. you'll miss your train. all right. -run.-goodbye. -l'll be there.-thank you. l stood there and watched his traindraw out of the station. l stared after it... until its tail lighthad vanished into the darkness. l imagined himgetting out at churley...
giving up his ticket,walking back through the streets... letting himself in his housewith his latchkey. his wife, madeleine... would probably bein the hall to meet him. or perhaps upstairs,not feeling very well. ''small, darkand rather delicate. '' l wondered if he'd say: ''l met such a nice womanat the kardomah... we had lunch andwent to the pictures. ''
but suddenly l knew he wouldn't.l knew he wouldn't say a word. then the first awful feelingof danger swept over me. l got in the first compartment l saw,l wanted to get home quickly. l looked around to see ifanyone was looking at me. as if they could readmy thoughts. no one was, except a clergyman. l felt myself blushing and openedmy book and pretended to read. when l got to ketchworth, l'd decidedl wouldn't see alec anymore. -good evening mrs. jesson.-lt was silly, flirting with a stranger.
good evening. l walked home brisklyand cheertully. l'd been behaving like an idiot,but no harm had been done. you met me in the hall. you looked worried. my heart sank.fred, what's the matter? lt's all right, keep calmand don't get upset. -what's wrong?-bobbie's been knocked down. lt's not serious.he was knocked against the curb... and he's got a slight concussion.the doctor's with him now.
lt's all right.don't worry. he'll be as rightas rain in a few hours. you're sure it's not serious? quite sure.lt was a lucky escape. l've given him a sedative. keep him at homea couple of days. lt must have been a shock... l felt dreadful, looking at himwith that bandage on his head. l tried not to show it butl was quite hysterical.
as if it were my fault... a sort of punishment... an awful, sinister warning. an hour or two later,everything was normal again. he began to enjoythe whole thing... and revelled in beingthe centre of attraction. oh good. remember how we spent theevening planning his future? he's much too young to decide.
good life.he's a feeling for it. how can we know? he'll want to be an enginedriver next week. no, that was last week. lt's so final, entering a childfor the navy. -lt's a healthy life.-l know it's a good, healthy life... he'll see the world, havea wife in every port... and call everybody ''sir'',but what about us? what do you mean?
-we'll hardly see him.-nonsense. lt isn't nonsense. he'll besent away a smooth-faced boy... and the next thing we know he'llwalk in with a beard and a parrot. you've rather a victorian viewof the navy. he's our only son and l'd liketo be there while he's growing up. we'll put him in an office and youcan put him on the 8:50 each morning. you are annoying.you know l'd hate that. all right, have it your own way. l had lunch with a manand we went to the movies.
good for you. he's awfully nice.he's a doctor. a very noble profession. dear. lt was richard the third who said:''my kingdom for a horse'', wasn't it? l wish he hadn't.lt spoils everything. we could ask him to dinner. by all means. who?
doctor harvey. the onel was telling you about. -must it be dinner?-you're never at home for lunch. exactly. now what on earth's the matter? nothing. lt's only...oh fred... l really don't seewhat's so funny. l do... l'm not laughing at you,l'm laughing at me. l'm the funny one.l'm an absolute idiot. worrying about thingsthat don't exist...
and making mountainsout of molehills. l told you it wasnothing serious. -nothing to get in a state about.-l see that now. l really do. on thursdayl went to meet alec... more out of politenessthan anything else. lt didn't seem importantbut l had promised. l managed to getthe same table. l waited a bitbut he didn't come. the orchestrawas playing as usual.
l looked at the cellist.she seemed so funny last week. today she didn't seem funny. she looked pathetic. after lunch,l passed the hospital. l looked up at the windowsand wondered if he were there... or if something awfulhad happened. l got to the station early.l hadn't enjoyed the pictures. lt was a noisy musicaland l'm so sick of them. l'd come out before the end.
as l took my tea to the table... l suddenly wondered if l'dmade a mistake... if he meant meto meet him there. albert godby, how dare you! -l couldn't resist.-keep your hands to yourself. you're blushing. you'rewonderful when you're angry. -an avenging angel.-l'll give you avenging angel. coming here, taking liberties. l thought after last mondayyou wouldn't mind.
never mind last monday.l'm on duty now. what if mr saunders waslooking through the window. lf he's in the habit, it's about timehe saw something worth looking at. -you ought to be ashamed!-lt's high spirits. don't be mad. lndeed.take your tea and be quiet. -lt's all your fault, really.-l don't know what you mean. l was thinking of tonight. lf you don't behave yourself therewon't be tonight or any night. -give us a kiss.-l'll do no such thing.
-come on, a quick one across the bar.-albert, stop it! -come on.-let go! -come on, love.-albert. now look at my banburys,all over the floor. just in timeor born in the vestry. you shut your mouth and helpmr godby pick up them cakes. come on, what are yougaping at? as l left the refreshment rooml saw a train coming in. his train.he wasn't on the platform.
and l suddenly felt panic at thethought of not seeing him again. l'm so terribly sorry.l couldn't let you know. -your train, you'll miss it.-the house surgeon had to operate. l was going to send a note but lthought it might embarrass you. don't say any more. quickly! quickly!the whistle's gone. l'm so glad l'd chance to explain.l didn't think l'd see you again. how absurd.quickly! quickly! -next thursday.-yes. next thursday.
thursday! goodbye! the train for ketchworth is aboutto leave from platform 3. the stars can change courses... and the worldcrash around us... but there'll always bedonald duck. l do love him, his energy,his blind frustrated rages. lt's the big picture now. here we go.no more laughter, prepare for tears. lt was a terribly bad picture. we crept out before the end,rather furtively...
as though we werecommitting a crime. the usherette looked at uswith stoney contempt. lt was a lovely afternoon and it wasa relief to be in the fresh air. we decided to goto the botanical gardens. l believe thatwe'd all behave differently... if we livedin a sunny climate. not so withdrawn and shyand difficult. fred, it was a lovely afternoon. some boys were sailing boats.one looked like bobbie.
lt should've given me a pangof conscience, but it didn't. l was enjoying myself... enjoying every single minute. alec said he was sick of staring atthe water and he wanted to be on it. all the boats were covered upbut we persuaded the man. he thought we were raving mad. perhaps he was right. alec rowed and l trailedmy hand in the water. lt was coldbut a lovely feeling.
you don't row very well,do you? l'll be perfectly honest with you.l don't row at all. unless you want to goround in circles... you'd better steer. we had such fun. l felt gay and happyand released. that's what's so shameful. that's what would hurt youso much if you knew... that l could feel so intensely...
away from you... with a stranger. look out.we can't get through. pull on your left. l never could tellleft from right. l'm most awfully sorry. the british are alwaysnice to mad people. the boatman thinks we're dotty,but look how sweet he's been. tea, milk, even sugar.
you know what's happened,don't you? l've fallen in love with you. yes, l know. tell me honestly. please, tell mehonestly, if what l believe is true. -what do you believe?-that it's the same for you. that you've fallen in love, too. -lt sounds so silly.-why? -l know you so little.-lt is true, though, isn't it? -lt's true.-laura...
no, please.we must be sensible. we mustn't behave like this. we must forget what we've said. -not yet.-but we must. listen. lt's too lateto be sensible... too late to forget what we said. whether we said it or notdoesn't matter. we know. we've knownfor a long time.
how can you say that?l've only known you 4 weeks. we only talked for the first timelast thursday week. last thursday week.has it been a long time since then? answer me truly. how often did you decide you werenever going to see me again? -several times a day.-so did l. -oh alec.-l love you. l love your wide eyes... and the way you smile...
and your shyness... -the way you laugh at my jokes.-please don't. l love you. l love you. you love me too. we can't pretendit hasn't happened. lt has. yes, it has. l don't want to pretendto you or anyone. but from now l have to. that's what's wrong, you see.lt spoils everything. that's why we must stop hereand now talking like this.
neither of us are free to love,there's too much in the way. there's still time. lf we control ourselves and behavelike sensible human beings... there's still time. there's no time at all. l'll come to the platformwith you. no, alec, not here.someone will see. l love you so. could we turn thatdown a bit, darling?
laura! -yes, dear?-you were miles away. was l? why not turn it down?lt really is deafening. of course. l shan't be long.then we'll go to bed. you look a bit tired. don't hurry.l'm perfectly happy. how can l say that,''don't hurry. l'm pertectly happy''?
lf only it were true! not that anyone isever pertectly happy really... but to be contented,to be at peace. lt's a little while ago but it seemslike ages since that train left. taking him awayinto the darkness. l was happy then. as l went back through the subway,l was walking on air. when l got into the train. l didn'teven pretend to read. l didn't care if people were looking.l had to think.
l should've been wretched andashamed. but l wasn't. l felt suddenly wildly happy... like a romantic schoolgirl,like a romantic fool. he said he loved me... and l said l loved him.and it was true. lt was true. l imagined being in his arms... being with him in glamourouscircumstances. lt was an absurd schoolgirl fantasy,being wooed by one's dream man. l stared out of the windowinto the dark...
and watched the dim trees andtelegraph posts slip by... and through theml saw alec and me. alec and me. perhaps a little younger,but just as much in love. and with nothing in the way. l saw us in paris,in a box at the opera. the orchestra was tuning up. then we were in venice, in a gondola,with sound of mandolins. l saw us travelling far away. allthe places l've always longed to go.
l saw us on a ship lookingat the sea and the stars... standing on a tropical beach in themoonlight, with palm tress sighing. then the palm trees changed intothose willows by the canal. all the silly dreams disappeared. l got out at ketchworthand gave up my ticket... and walked home as usual, soberly,and without any wings at all. when l was getting ready for dinner,do you remember? you won't but l do. that was the first time l'd everlied to you.
lt started then, the shame of thewhole thing, the guilt, the fear. -good evening mrs. jesson.-hello, dear. -had a good day?-yes, lovely. what did you do? l shopped and had lunch andwent to the pictures. -all by yourself?-yes... -no, not exactly.-what do you mean, not exactly. l went to the pictures by myself butl had lunch with mary norton. she couldn't come to the film. she hadto see her in-laws just near milford.
l walked her to the bus and camehome on my own. l haven't seen mary nortonfor ages. how's she looking? very well. a little fatter. hurry up with all this beautifying.l want my dinner. you go down.l won't be five minutes. ketchworth 37, please. hello. ls mrs. norton there, please?yes. l'll hold on. -hello.-hello is that you. mary? laura! fancy hearing from you.l thought you were dead.
no, l haven't seenyou for ages. will you be a saint and back me upin the most appalling domestic lie? -as bad as all that?-my life depends on it. today l went to milfordto do my shopping... with the intention of buying anexpensive present for fred. robson's hadn't gotwhat l wanted... one of those clocks with barometersand everything in one. but they had one at the broadhambranch so l went to get it. -go on.-this is were the black lie comes in.
fred asked me about my day andl said you and l had lunch together.. then you'd gone to your in-laws'and l'd gone to the pictures. lf you run into him, don't let medown, will you? -but darling, of course not.-l'll do as much for you l promise. -well let's really lunch one day.-yes, that'd be lovely. -what about next thursday?-no l can't. that's my milford day. -what about friday?-fine better make it here. -all right, perfect.-you know what my cook's like? -lt'll have to be early.-yes, all right.
that week was misery. l was in a sort of trance. how odd you didn't notice you wereliving with a stranger in the house. thursday came at last. l'd arranged to meet alecoutside the hospital at 1 2:30. -hello.-hello. l thought you wouldn't come. l'vebeen thinking all week you wouldn't. l didn't mean to really,but here l am. l hadn't been in the royal sinceviolet's wedding reception.
lt all seemed very grand. he ordered a bottle of champagne andsaid we were only middle-aged once! we were very gay during lunch andtalked about quite ordinary things. he was charming. you'd have likedhim if things had been different. as we were going out he saidhe had a surprise for me... and that if l'd wait in the loungehe'd show me what it was. he ran down the steps like an excitedschoolboy, not a respectable doctor. suddenly out of the dining room camemary norton and her rich cousin. they must've seen alec and me,the champagne and everything.
laura! lt was you after all. hermione said it was... l'm so short-sighted.l peered but couldn't be sure. l never saw you at all. how awful.l expect it was the champagne. l'm not used to champagne forlunch or dinner... -but alec insisted.-alec? alec who, dear? alec harvey, of course. you rememberthe harveys. l've known them years. -no l don't think...-he'll be back. you'll recognise himwhen you peer closely.
-he looks charming, very attentive.-he's a dear. one of the nicest people in the worldand a wonderful doctor. -alec, do you remember mrs. norton?-l'm afraid l don't. lt's no use laura. we've never seeneach other before. l'm sure. how absurd. l'm sure he and madeleinewere at that dinner before christmas. -alec, this is mrs. rolandson.-how do you do? -horrid weather, isn't it?-yes. of course, one can't expect springat this time of the year. we must be going. l'm taking harmioneto see the in-laws, as moral support.
-goodbye, doctor harvey.-goodbye. goodbye, my dear.l do envy you your champagne. -that was awful.-never mind. they'd watched usall through lunch. forget it. come outand look at the surprise. at the foot of the stepswas a litle two-seater car. alec had borrowed it fromstephen lynn for the afternoon. l tried hard to look pleasedbut it wasn't any good. l kept thinking of thosetwo laughing and talking...
laughing and talking. l couldn'tget them out of my mind. when we were out in the country,a few miles beyond brayfield... we stopped the car outsidea village and got out. there was a bridge and a stream. the sun was making an effort to comeout but not succeeding. we leaned on the parapetand looked down into the water. l shivered and alec puthis asm around me. -cold?-no, not really. happy?
no, not really. l know exactly whatyou're going to say. that it isn't worth it... the lying outweighs the happinesswe might have together. lsn't that it? something like that. l want to ask you something,just to reassure myself. what? lt is true for you isn't it?
this overwhelming feeling.ls a true for you as it is for me? lt's true. we must have stayed onthat bridge for a long time... because when we got back tostephen lynn's it was getting dark. l felt as if l wason the edge of a precipice. l think alec felt that, too. we both knew how desperatelywe loved each other. alec had to leave the keysin stephen lynn's flat... and suggestedl came up with him.
l refused rather too vehemently. alec reminded me that stephen wasn'tcoming back till late, but l refused. l'm going back. l'm goingto miss my train. -back where?-to stephen's flat. oh alec. l must go home,l really must go. a cup of tea please. -good afternoon.-afternoon lady. -couple of whiskies please.-very sorry. lt's out of hours.
sneak us a coupleunder them old sandwiches. them sandwiches are freshand l'll do no such thing. come on, be a sport. you can have as much asyou want after 6 o'clock. my throat's likea parrot cage. listen. my license doesn't permit me to servealcohol out of hours. that's final! you wouldn't want to get meinto trouble, would you? just give us the chance.that's all we ask. beryl!
ask mr. godby to comefor a moment will you? -who's he when he's at home?-you'll soon see... -come in here, cheeking me...-come of it, mother, be a pal. you saucy upstart. -who are you calling an upstart?-you. get out of here double quick... disturbing the customersand making a nuisance of yourselves. -where's the fire? where's the fire?-what's going on in here? mr. godby, these gentlemenare annoying me. -we haven't done nothing, have we?-just asked for a couple of drinks.
-they insulted me, mr. godby.-we never did anything of the kind. -just having a little joke.-hop it. both of you. -we've got a right to stay here.-you heard what l said. hop it. ls this a free countryor a sunday school? l checked your warrant. your train'sin 1 minute, platform 2. hop it! -now, look here.-come on johnnie. -don't argue with the poor basket.-hop it. cheerio mother. and if them sandwiches are fresh,you're shirley temple.
-thank you, albert.-what a nerve, talking like that. be quiet, beryl. poor me out a nipof three star. l'm quite upset. -l'll get back to the gate.-l'll be seeing you later, albert. okay! the train now arriving at platform 3is the 5:43 for ketchworth. -l really must go.-l'm going back to the flat. l must go home.l really must go home. l'm going back to the flat. l'm going home.
excuse me,l've forgotten something. darling! lt's raining. lt started just as l turnedout of high street. you had no umbrellaand your coat's wet. you mustn't catch cold.that would never do. l look an absolute fright. -let me put that down.-thank you. l hope the fire will perk up.
-l expect the wood was damp.-yes, l expect it was. do sit down, darling. l got into the train and got outagain. wasn't it idiotic? we're both very foolish. -alec, l can't stay. really.-just a little while, a little while. quickly. quickly. l must go. here, through the kitchen.there's a tradesman's staircase. -ls that you, alec?-yes. -you're back early.-yes, l felt a cold coming on...
so l denied myselfthe pleasure... of dining with roger hinchly anddecided to come back. lnflamed membranes areunsympathetic to a dialectic... -what will you do about food?-l can ring down to the restaurant. we live in a modern ageand this is a service flat. -yes, of course.-lt caters for all tastes. you've hidden depthsl never suspected. -look here, stephen, l...-no explanations or apologies. l should apologise forreturning so inopportunely.
lt's quite obvious you wereinterviewing a patient privately. woman are frequently rather neuroticcreatures. hospitals upset them. from the undignifiedscuffling l heard... l gather she beat a hasty retreatdown the backstairs. l'm surprised at the farcical streakin your nature, alec. such carryings on are unnecessary.we've been friends for years... and l'm the mostbroad-minded of men. l'm really sorry. l'm sure that thesituation must seem vulgar to you. actually it isn't in the least.
you're right. explanations areunnecessary between old friends. l must go now.l'll collect my coat. goodbye. could you give me my latchkey? l onlyhave 2 and l'm afraid of losing them. -you're very angry, aren't you?-no. not angry. just disappointed. l ran until l couldn't any longer. l leant against a lamp postto get my breath in a side road... l knew it was stupid to runbut l couldn't help myself. l felt humiliated and defeatedand so dreadfully ashamed. after a moment or twol pulled myself together...
and walked towards the station. lt was still rainingbut not very much. l realised that l couldn't go home. not until l regained controland had time to think. then l thought of you waitingand dinner being spoilt. so l went found a tobacconistand telephoned you. do you remember? hello fred, is that you?yes. lt's me, laura. yes, everything's all right,but l shan't be home to dinner.
l'm with miss lewis. miss lewis, the librarianl've told you about at boots. l can't explain becauseshe's outside the box now. l met her a little whileago in a terrible state. her mother's ill and l've promisedto stay until the doctor comes. yes, but she's always been kindto me and l feel so sorry for her. no, l'll get a sandwich.ask ethel to leave me some soup... in a saucepan in the kitchen. yes, of course,as soon as l can.
all right. goodbye. lt's awfully easy to lie, when youknow you are trusted implicitly. so very easy,and so very degrading. l started walking without purpose. l turned out of the high streetalmost immediately. l was terrified thatl might run into alec. l was sure he'd come after me. l walked for a long while. finally, lfound myself at the war memorial. right at the other side of town.
lt had stopped rainingand l felt stiflingly hot... so l sat down on one of the seats. there was nobody aboutand l lit a cigarette. l know how you disapproveof women smoking in the street. l do too, but l thoughtit might help calm my nerves. l sat there for ages.l don't know how long. then l noticed a policeman. he was looking at merather suspiciously. presently he came up to me.
-feeling all right, miss?-yes, thank you. -waiting for someone?-no, l'm not waiting for anybody. don't go and catch cold.lt's a damp night. l'm going now.l've got to catch a train. you sure you feelquite all right? -quite, thank you. good night.-good night, miss. l walked away trying to look casual,knowing he was watching me. l felt like a criminal. l walked rather quicklyback towards high street.
l got to the station fifteen minutesbefore the last train to ketchworth. l realised that l'd been wanderingfor over 3 hours.. but it didn't seemany time at all. sten, you are awful! -see you in the yard.-all right. -l'd like a glass of brandy, please.-we're just closing. yes, l can see,but you're not quite closed. -three star?-that'll do. have you got a piece of paperand an envelope?
-you'll get that at the bookstall.-the bookstall's closed. please, it's important.l'd be much obliged. all right. just a minute. -thank you very much.-we close in a few minutes. l've been lookingfor you everywhere. -please go away.-l've watched every train. -l can't leave you like this.-you must. lt's better, really. you're being dreadfully cruel.lt was an accident he came back. he doesn't know you.l suppose he laughed and you...
spoke of me as menof the world. we didn't speak of you butof some nameless creature. why didn't you tell him? that wewere cheap and low and... stop it. pull yourself together.lt's nothing of the sort. we know we love each other. -that's all that matters.-lt isn't all that matters... self respect matters and decency.l can't go on any longer. could you really say goodbyeand never see me again? yes, if you'd help me.
l love you laura. l shall love youalways until the end of my life. l can't look at you nowbecause l know something. this is the beginning of the end. not the end of my loving you,but the end of our being together. but please, not quite yet. very well, not quite yet. l know how you feel about thisevening, about the sordidness of it. l know about the strain of ourdifferent lives, our lives apart. the feeling of guilt is too strong.
too great a price to pay for thehappiness we'd have together. l know all this becauseit's the same for me, too. you can look at me now.l'm all right. let's be very careful.let's prepare ourselves. a sudden break now, howeveradmirable, would be too cruel. we can't do such violenceto our hearts and minds. -l'm going away.-l see. -but not quite yet.-please, not quite yet. -that's the 1 0:1 0. lt's closing time.-ls it?
-l shall have to lock up.-all right. -promise me something.-what is it? that however unhappy you are... however much you think, you'llmeet me again next thursday. -where?-outside the hospital. 1 2:30. -all right, l promise.-l've got to talk to you, to explain. -about going away?-yes. where will you go? you can'tgive up your practice. l've had a job offer.l wasn't going to tell you.
l wasn't going to take it,but it's the only way out. -where?-a long way away. johannesburg. alec... my brother's there. they're openinga new hospital. they want me. lt's a fine opportunity.l'll take madeleine and the boys. lt's been torturing me, havingto decide one way or another. l haven't told anybody,not even madeleine. l couldn't bear the thoughtof leaving you... but now l see, it's got to happensoon anyway.
lt's almost happening already. when will you go? almost immediately.ln about two weeks time. quite near isn't it. do you want me to stay? do youwant me to turn down the offer? don't be foolish, alec. -l'll do whatever you say.-that's unkind of you. the train for ketchworth is nowarriving at platform 3. you're not angry with me,are you?
no, l'm not angry. l don't think l'manything. l just feel tired. -forgive me.-forgive you for what? for everything. for meeting you... for taking the gritout of your eye... for loving you... for bringing youso much misery. l'll forgive you,if you'll forgive me. thursday!
all that was a week ago. lt's hardly credibleit should be so short a time. today was our last day together. our very last togetherin all our lives. l met him outsidethe hospital at 1 2:30. 1 2:30 this morning. that was only this morning. we drove into the country again,but this time he hired a car. l lit cigarettes for himas we went along.
we didn't talk much. l felt numbedand hardly alive at all. we had lunch in a village pub. afterwards we wentto the same bridge over the stream... the bridge that we hadbeen to before. those last few hourswent by so quickly. as we walked through the stationl remember thinking... ''this is the last time with alec. l'll see it all againbut without alec. '' l tried not to think it...
not to let it spoilour last moments together. -are you all right, darling?-yes, l'm all right. l wish l could thinkof something to say. lt doesn't matter,not saying anything. -l'll miss my train and wait for yours.-l'd rather come to your platform. do you think we'll eversee each other again? l don't know.not for years anyway. the children will be grown up. l wonder if they'll ever meetand know each other.
couldn't l write to you? -no, alec, please. we promised.-all right, dear. l do love you so much. l love youwith all my heart and soul. l want to die. lf only l could die. lf you died you'd forget me.l want to be remembered. yes l know. l do too. -we've still got a few minutes.-laura! what a lovely surprise. l'd have had tea in spindle's butdidn't want to miss the train. dear!
-this is doctor harvey.-how do you do. lt was cruel of fate to be againstus right up to the last minute. dolly messiter. poor, well-meaningirritating dolly messiter. crashing into those last preciousminutes we had together. she chattered and fussed,but l didn't hear. l felt dazed. alec behaved so beautifully...with such pertect politeness. noone could've guessed whathe was really feeling. and then... -l'm a general practitioner.-dr. harvey's going to africa.
the train on platform 4 is the5.40 for churley, and langdon. -l must go.-yes. l felt the touch of his handfor a moment... and then he walked away... away out of my life forever. he's got to getto the other platform. dolly went on talking,but l wasn't listening. l was listening for the soundof his train. then it did.
l said to myself:''he didn't go. his courage failedand he couldn't go. he'll come back into the roompretending he's forgotten something. '' l prayed for that. just so l could see himfor an instant. but the minutes went by. ls that the train? ls thatthe ketchwork train? l meant to do it, fred.l really meant to do it. l stood there trembling,right on the edge.
but l couldn't. l wasn't brave enough. l'd like to say it was you and thechildren prevented me, but it wasn't. l had no thoughts at all. only an overwhelming desirenot to feel anything ever again... not to be unhappy anymore. l turned... and went back inthe refreshment room. that's when l nearly fainted.
laura. yes, dear. whatever your dream was... it wasn't a very happy one,was it? no. ls there anythingl can do to help? yes, fred.you always help. you've beena long way away. thank youfor coming back to me.
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